


Time to Move Forward

by xcourtney_chaoticx



Series: "Oh, There You Are" Universe [4]
Category: Emergency!
Genre: Ensemble Cast, Gen, Mild Language, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-09-28 00:30:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10059074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xcourtney_chaoticx/pseuds/xcourtney_chaoticx
Summary: After being a paramedic for almost 10 years, Johnny Gage is now a captain, a leader of his own station, responsible for a crew of men. Life never tires of throwing him curveballs, though, and only a few months in to his new position, Johnny has another one tossed his way. This is one responsibility he wasn't prepared for. It doesn't help that the events of last year won't stop haunting him.A follow-up to 'Oh, There You Are' but it's not necessary to read that first. Notes inside.





	1. Some Things to Think About

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a sort of sequel to 'Oh, There You Are' and even though it is set in that universe, it is not necessary to read that before reading this. This takes place post-series, after Johnny and Roy were promoted to captains in 'Greatest Rescues of Emergency'.
> 
> I understand that I've fudged around with some of the actual history, but that's the fun of fanfiction.
> 
>  **Warnings** : this work will feature some period typical sexism, racism, and ableism, as well as some strong language.

Stepping into a chief’s office never got less intimidating, not to Johnny anyway, not even as a captain. He hadn’t been a captain very long, only a couple months, and he wondered if maybe he did something wrong. _Maybe I’m bein’ demoted. That’s why it’s so hush-hush._ He didn’t want to be demoted. His heart pounded faster, fear starting to roll through his system even though Chief Stolarz greeted him warmly.

“How are you, Gage? Everything going well?”

“Oh yeah, it’s goin’ fine. I get along real well with the guys at 36s,” he answered, “Just a ‘lil sad to see Stern go, but it’s his prerogative, I reckon.”

“He’s wanted to go to 128s for a while now. Closer to home. But really, it couldn’t have happened at a better time… well, a more fortunate time. Here, I want you to read this over real quick. Work history of one of the newest graduates of the Academy and the paramedic program.”

He accepted the file and flipped through it, making little noises of recognition and approval as he read.

“Looks qualified to me… Worked at volunteer stations before… Worked a Forest Service brush station, that’s pretty badass… Got some good praise from the doctors and other paramedics on his skills…”

“Would you say this person is qualified to join the department, Gage?”

“Absolutely. Hell, that’s more experience than I had when I joined up. I’d be more’n happy to work with a fella like that,” he replied honestly.

“I’m glad to hear you say that… and I hope you still mean it when I tell you she’s a woman.”

Johnny blinked at Chief Stolarz for a moment.

“What?”

“Her name is Kelly Harper, and she wants to become a firefighter/paramedic with our department. So far, she’s met every requirement, and I for one think it’s a step in the right direction,” he said, saw Johnny’s still confused expression, added, “Gage, I have four children, three sons and one daughter, and I have always taught my daughter that no matter what career she wants to pursue, she will be able to do it, including this one. While it would be an achievement for her to be the first woman whatever, sometimes it’s easier when someone else has gone before to pave the way. Harper will pave the way… but she needs the chance to do it.”

“So… So you want her at my station? To take Stern’s place?”

“Exactly. I think she’ll be a good fit. I just wanted to let you know beforehand.”

“Thank you, sir. I appreciate it, just-… I mean, how are we gonna deal with the locker room situation? And the showers?”

“We’ll come up with something, don’t you worry about that. In the meantime, she’s here now, if you’d like to speak with her. That might help your decision. Here…”

 _Decision?_ He didn’t realize this was going to be a choice. Honestly, he’d prefer it not to be a choice so he wouldn’t be responsible for any consequences. Stolarz opened the door to his office and ushered in a young woman with dark hair in a short braid. She walked right up to Johnny and snapped to a salute, saying, “Captain Gage, sir.”

“Oh, well, I don’t think we need to be that formal, Harper,” he replied.

“Sorry, sir… Actually, I’m really excited to meet you,” she grinned, “I heard so much about you during paramedic training, from the doctors, the instructors, Captain DeSoto-“

“Roy was at paramedic training?”

“Yessir. He just dropped in on a couple classes, wanted to see what we were being taught, told us some pretty good stories. It was cool.”

Johnny simply said, “I’m sure,” and asked her some questions about her background. Harper answered well, giving enough information without giving too much or too little. _That’s good._ A good paramedic had to be able to make conversation, to make a patient feel comfortable enough to provide medical information. _And she definitely looks tough. I wouldn’t piss her off._ It looked to Johnny like she had more muscle on her that a lot of guys in the department. Stolarz watched their interaction with interest.

By the end of their conversation, Johnny realized he’d been stupid, very stupid… and very biased. He was all ready to work with her until he found out her gender, but why should that make a difference? He hated when other firefighters were prejudiced based on race or orientation or religion. Why should this be any different?

“Harper, I hope you’ll be very happy here in the department… and I hope you’ll be happy at 36s, too,” Johnny said warmly, shaking her hand.

She looked almost upset at first, but then it seemed to dawn on her that 36s was his station, a broad smile lighting up her face.

“Oh my-! Thank you, sir! Thank you so much! Oh, you won’t regret this, I swear!”

“I’m sure I won’t.”

xXxXx

“What? A woman?” Baines half-shouted.

Johnny gave his paramedic a look, said, “Yes, a woman. Her name is Kelly Harper, and she’s very well-qualified. She’s passed every test, just the same as we did.”

Baines didn’t look too impressed, but he didn’t protest, either. _Don’t s’pose I can blame him._ Back when Johnny was only a few years in the department, he probably wouldn’t have been too thrilled about a woman partner. _Actually, if I rightly recall, I wasn’t too thrilled about the idea of a woman trainee even. Welp, the times they are a-changin’._ Baines was young, only three years in the department, but he was a damn good paramedic. Johnny just knew how young men thought because he’d been one. Once upon a time, he hadn’t been very kind to a female prospect, but people can grow. Johnny had grown.

“Look, Baines, I can’t make ya like her, but ya need to at least give her a chance,” he said, “I wouldn’t’ve agreed to bring her onto our shift if I didn’t think she was qualified, alright? Not too long ago, I was a paramedic myself. I know what kinda person I’d wanna work with, and Harper is that kinda person.”

“I suppose… I mean- well, I guess you’re right, Cap. I can’t judge a book by its cover.”

“That’s the spirit. Now, Harper’ll be here for our next shift, and I hope you’ll make her feel welcome, like a part of the team.”

“I’ll try, Cap… Umm… do you want me to tell the guys?”

“No… No, I’ll do it. Just send ‘em in.”

The engineer came in first, Mendoza, followed by the two linemen, Curtis and Westmore. _This should be fun._ They all sat, and Johnny said, “Well, as we all know, it’s Stern’s last shift, and we’ll be havin’ a new paramedic joinin’ the shift.”

“Goes without sayin’,” Curtis mumbled.

“Yeah, that does go without sayin’, I reckon… but just to avoid some undue issues and maybe some shock, I’m lettin’ ya know now our new paramedic is a woman.”

He got three incredulous stares in response, so he continued, “Now, I’ll tell ya the same thing I told Baines, and that’s that I can’t make ya like her, but ya gotta give her a chance. She’s qualified for the job, more qualified than most guys when they join up. Just- Let’s all try to be friendly, okay?”

They all murmured in agreement, though Johnny wasn’t quite sure he got through to them. _I’ve done all I can, anyway._ It would have to be enough. He just hoped everything would go smoothly for Harper. She seemed like a very nice girl, good at the job, excited to join the department, just as Johnny was once. _Holy shit, that makes me sound old. I’m not even thirty-two yet._ It was hard to believe sometimes, that he was still so young and sometimes felt so old. He’d been through a lot, especially within the last year. He sighed, shook the thoughts from his mind.

As he changed into civvies to leave, Johnny heard only hushed voices from his men, and he began to wonder if he’d made the right decision. He was new to command, new to actually having time to make decisions, and he really didn’t know if he was always doing the right thing. He’d always had a partner, someone to bounce ideas off of, to temper his own judgment, but now… Being a captain was lonely. He’d never really appreciated his captains before, but he did now.

 _I need to talk to someone… but who?_ Roy was his best friend, former partner, probably knew him better than anyone else, but they were promoted together, so Roy had no more experience than he did. Mike had a bit more experience, having been promoted a year ago. He always had a good listening ear and better advice. Same with Marco, though Marco was still an engineer. _Or I could just go straight to the source._ He picked up the phone.

“ _Stanley house, this is Ginny._ ”

“Hey, Ginny. It’s John Gage.”

“ _Oh, Johnny, how are you? Everything goin’ well at 36s?”_

“Yup, goin’ as well as it can, I reckon. Say, is Cap there?”

“ _Yes, it’s his day off. You wanna talk to him?_ ” she asked.

“Well, I was actually hopin’ I could just drop in for a bit. Would that be alright?”

“ _I think so. Just let me ask real quick… He said it should be fine. What time?_ ”

“As soon as I can, if that’s okay.”

“ _That’s fine, dear. We’ll see you soon!_ ”

The Stanley home looked the same as ever, just the same as when Johnny was there last. Something warm and light bubbled up in his chest at seeing his former captain. Long arms pulled him into a hug, holding him until he chose to pull away. Cap’s smile was soft and bright.

“It’s good to see ya, Johnny. Here, c’mon in. Ginny’s just finishin’ breakfast…”

Despite his protests, Johnny got sat at the table and plied with eggs and bacon and potatoes and everything. They made simple small talk through breakfast, but Cap knew better.

“So, what brings you over today, pal?”

“I, uh… I need some advice… captain advice. I wanna make sure I did the right thing…”

Johnny laid out the whole situation, a bit surprised that Cap didn’t bat an eyelash.

“I just wanna know if I was right in takin’ on the responsibility of integrating women into the department, if maybe I shoulda told the guys sooner, if someone with more experience-“

“Whoa, slow down, Johnny… c’mon now, you know better than to get all caught up in ‘shouldas’ and ‘what-ifs’… and if you want my honest opinion, I think you are perfectly qualified,” Cap told him.

“Wha-? Cap, what make-“

“-makes you qualified? For starters, you’re a good man. You generally don’t let yourself think too negatively of people, and when you do, you try to put a stop to it. That’s more than most people. You’re open-minded and kind… and you’re young. That kinda situation is best handled by someone young and fresh, not some old codger like me.”

“Shut up, Cap, you’re not that old.”

“Feels like it sometimes. What I mean is, it’s better for someone less set in their ways, not set into a command style yet. It’s why I recommended you.”

That was unexpected. Johnny blinked at Cap, jaw hanging slack. Cap smirked, explained, “Chief Stolarz asked me about you, since he knew you were gonna have the open spot. I gave you the highest praise, and I meant every word of it. I know you, John. I have the privilege of calling myself your friend, and I know that you can do this. Tell me… what do you think of Harper?”

“Well, I like her. She’s qualified, excited for the job, smart… seems like a sweet kid.”

“Sweet kid… She’s older than you were when you joined the department.”

“For that matter, Cap, she’s older’n you were when you joined, too.”

Cap gave a little snort and said, “Alright, I’ll give ya that… but in all seriousness, I know you’re gonna make the tranisition a smooth one. You’ll do what’s right, Johnny. You usually do.”

“You really mean it?”

“Wouldn’t say it if I didn’t.”

He didn’t know if that made him feel better or worse. It was a lot of pressure that had been placed on him… and a lot of pressure placed on Harper. _And neither one of us wants to fuck it up._ Johnny stayed a while longer to catch up and get some more advice, but he didn’t want to overstay his welcome. Everything just felt so odd… because everything was about to change.


	2. At the Beginning With Y'all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mild language, implied sexual situation, mentioned drug addiction

“Hey guys, check out this Duster that just pulled up!” Westmore called.

Johnny followed everyone to the window looking over the parking lot. A green Duster sat in the lot next to his Range Rover, a nice shade of green that was neither too dark nor too light. The guys all mumbled about the car, wondering who just pulled up. Johnny stayed quiet. _That’s sure a nice car._ It looked well loved, like it had seen many miles, a little dusty but by no means in bad shape.

“Holy shit, it’s a chick!”

“Of course it is, Jamie, who else would it be?”

“Eddie, you were askin’ who it could be, too!”

Smirking, Johnny stepped away to greet her at the door, his men creeping behind him.

“Captain Gage, sir,” she smiled, shaking his hand a little more forcefully than he expected, “I just wanna tell you again how happy I am to be here.”

“And we’re happy to have ya, Harper. Here, this is everyone here… Our engineer, Eddie Mendoza… This is Alex Curtis and Jamie Westmore… and here’s Frank Baines, your new partner,” he said, pleased to note everyone smiled and shook her hand.

“Hey, Harper, I’ll show you to your locker,” Baines told her.

The other three watched them go, and as soon as they were out of earshot, they started up again.

“Man, has she got a set of arms on her-“

“How ‘bout her grip-“

“Looks like she could choke ya out for someone so short-“

“Alright, fellas, that’s enough,” Johnny spoke over them, “Get your gossipin’ in some other time, huh? C’mon, we gotta clear some stuff up…”

Since having a woman working a full shift was unprecedented, there were no accommodations for separate changing and showering, but Johnny figured if they could work out a system, then everything would work out until the department could upgrade the facilities.

“See, I figure we can hang a ‘lil blind in the windows that’ll act like a signal. When it’s down, that’ll mean Harper’s in there, and when it’s up, it’ll be for when we’re in there. How’s that sound?”

“What about sleepin’ arrangements?” Westmore asked, “We all sleep in the same room.”

“I mean, I suppose I don’t mind it if y’all won’t,” Harper spoke up, “We’re all in shirts and shorts, and we’re all adults. I’m sure we can be mature about this.”

“We could put up a partition for you. I know we’ve got the materials,” Mendoza said.

“No, I don’t want any special treatment. I’m just another paramedic.”

“Say, where’d you work before this, Harper?” Curtis asked.

“Well, I worked a volunteer station back in South Jersey right after high school for a couple years, then I heard there were some all-woman brush stations out West, so I up and moved to Montana for a few years, and that was a lotta fun. It was hard work, don’t get me wrong, but it was fun, too. I went to other volunteer stations after that, up in Idaho and Northern California… and then I heard about the paramedic program here in LA County, and I thought that sounded pretty awesome.”

“So you’ve done rescues before?”

“Yeah, loads… but it’s different runnin’ rescue than bein’ a paramedic. I mean, we were all taught first aid to help get people into an ambulance but nothin’ fancy, nothin’ like this. And this program is pretty much one of a kind. I mean, there are similar programs in New York and Belfast and Miami, but this is the best one, the one that started the whole thing. I wanted to be one of the best.”

“Certainly sounds like you’re on your way,” Johnny said, “Here, lemme hand out shift assignments before we get carried away… Baines and Harper have dorms, Mendoza in the bay, Curtis has KP, and Westmore-“

“-on latrines,” everyone chorused, earning dirty looks from Westmore.

Johnny laughed quietly. Westmore tended to be the butt of most of the jokes around the station, though he generally didn’t seem to mind it as long as he was the center of attention. He was the youngest member of the crew at twenty-three and looked even younger with sandy brown hair and big brown eyes. _An only child, if I remember right._ Now though… Harper was like a shiny new toy, and all attention was on her. Johnny sat back with his coffee.

“So, don’t take this the wrong way, Harper, but can you cook?” Mendoza asked.

“Nah, it’s a fair question comin’ into a fire station,” she replied, “And I cook a little. Nothin’ fancy, really. It’s kinda cliché, but I make a pretty good pot of chili-“

There was a loud clink. Johnny swore quietly, started cleaning up the black coffee spreading across the table. Harper jumped up to help, and he looked up at her, saw bright blue eyes. _That’s wrong._ He looked again. Harper’s eyes were a golden green, just as they should be.

“Everything okay, Cap?” she asked.

“Yeah, it’s- I-I’m fine… just knocked over my coffee is all…”

He quickly cleaned up and retreated to the office, dropped into his chair, put his face in his hands. _Not good… This is not good._ He’d been doing so well, had barely thought about that whole horrible situation while working. When not working, however, it was a completely different story. The memories were still littered around the apartment they’d once shared, memories he couldn’t get rid of in an apartment he refused to move out of. Johnny sighed heavily, trying to push all the bad memories out of his mind.

The tones blared, and it took him an extra second to react, his memories taking him back to 51s for a moment.

“ _Station 36, unknown trouble, 365 East Elm Street, time out, 8:45._ ”

He picked up the radio and called back, “Station 36, KQR-426.”

xXxXx

“You sure know your way around the city,” Baines said, guiding the squad to the call.

“Yeah, well, when you have no friends or social life, it gives ya time to study maps.”

Kelly looked to her partner, who seemed somewhat uncomfortable with the comment. _There I go again with my foot in my mouth._ She was nothing if not honest, particularly when it came to herself and her experiences. That’s how she was raised, always to be truthful about what’s important.

“Oh, here we go, Baines, this is it here. Number 365.”

There was no one outside, though, which even for Kelly’s minimal experience was odd. The engine pulled in behind them.

“Thank God you’re finally here! Oh, hurry up and get in there!”

“What’s the trouble, ma’am?” Baines asked.

“I was over here earlier to speak with Mrs. Ellery- oh, they’re a nice young couple, the Ellerys, about the age of that nice girl right there- but no one answered the door, so I listened for a moment and oh, it sounded like they were dying in there! You just have to go in there and help them!”

Kelly bit her lip to hold in a bout of laughter and asked, “Ma’am, you’re sure they were ill?”

“Of course I’m sure! Why else would anyone be making noises like that!”

Cap spoke up, “I’m afraid we can’t just go bargin’ on in there without cause. Did ya see anything, maybe? Fire or smoke or someone on the floor?”

“All the blinds are drawn. I couldn’t see anything.”

“Guess I’ll try knockin’, Cap,” Kelly offered.

She climbed the porch steps and pounded on the door, calling, “Fire Department! Is everything okay in there?”

Behind the door, she heard muffled voices and footsteps and the metallic click of locks. A woman about twenty-five opened the door a crack, brown hair tousled, face flushed, clearly covering herself with a sheet. She stammered, “Can-um… what’s-what seems to be the trouble?”

“Your neighbor was worried about you, Mrs. Ellery,” Kelly said calmly, “She just wanted to be sure you were alright.”

“We-We’re fine, Miss-?”

“Harper.”

“Miss Harper… We’re just fine. Thank you for the concern.”

The door clicked shut. Kelly couldn’t keep the smirk off her face anymore as she made her way back to the crew.

“Well, are they alright?” the neighbor asked.

“Yes, ma’am, they’re just fine. I think they were just a bit too… preoccupied with each other to answer the door.”

The neighbor thought for a moment before flushing bright red and mumbling something, quickly excusing herself.

“Well, how was that for your first run?” Cap asked.

“Not exactly what I imagined, but not bad. Reckon it gets pretty interesting around here.”

“You have no idea. Alright, fellas, back to the barn…”

In the squad, Kelly called in, “Squad 36, available,” and settled in.

“ _Squad 36, 10-4._ ”

“Sounds like it might be a slow day today,” Baines commented.

“Not quite what I was hopin’ for.”

“You’d prefer to be busy?”

“Wouldn’t you? I’d much rather be runnin’ my ass off than sittin’ on it.”

“Yeah, I guess I’d rather be a ‘lil busy myself…”

He said nothing else. Kelly decided not to push conversation, just pursed her lips and looked at the scenery, then her partner. Baines was about her age, too, had reddish-brown hair, a moustache to match, and dark blue eyes. So far, he seemed nice, just not very talkative. _Maybe he just needs to warm up to a person first before gettin’ talkative. Plenty of people are like that._ Kelly was definitely more outgoing than most people, and in their field, she kind of had to be. Firefighters weren’t exactly lining up to be her friend, so she had to step up and be the friendly one. The other guys were a little more friendly… for the most part. _It was certainly a warmer welcome than I though I’d get._

“ _Squad 36, respond to call for a child trapped, 43 East Mill Rd…_ ”

“Squad 36, 10-4.”

xXxXx

About a month had passed since Kelly had joined 36s, and things were going fairly well. She’d gone on plenty of interesting runs and rescues, met people from all walks of life, and done more interviews than she ever thought she would. The interviews were her least favorite. Reporters would show up at the station, show up to scenes, show up to the hospital. Dixie kicked them swiftly out of the hospital, and Cap booted them from the station, but they were her and Baines’ problem on scene. _At least they’re pretty easy to deal with._ Kelly could just tell the media to go away or ignore them in favor of doing their job. She couldn’t do that with other firefighters.

Mostly, the other firefighters were okay, but a few were downright nasty and mean, so she didn’t go to many firefighter-only spaces. Her reaction to someone being mean and nasty was to be mean and nasty right back, and that was an attitude that tended to get her into trouble. Kelly wanted to avoid trouble, both for her own sake and that of the department. Still, she was no shrinking violet.

“Hey, Harper, shouldn’t you be in there sprayin’ your hair?”

“And turn myself into a matchstick? No thanks, Curtis.”

“Matchstick?”

“Yeah, see, hairspray is something we firefighters like to call an accelerant. Haven’t you ever made a can of it into a flamethrower?”

She got blank stares. _Unbelievable…_ She elaborated, “Y’know… when you hold a lighter up to an aerosol can and spray it? And it just sprays fire for, like, five feet? Really, y’all never did that?”

“No?” Mendoza said, “Why would you do that?”

“Dunno, it seemed like fun at the time. I was always safe about, did it in an open area and shit like that.”

Mendoza rolled his eyes, but he was smirking slightly, as were Cap and Baines. That felt good. She liked to make people laugh because it meant she’d made someone happy.

“Well, maybe you could put on some lipstick,” Westmore sneered, “Pretty yourself up a bit.”

“I would, but I left my favorite shade at your mom’s,” she retorted, “She said it was a pretty color so I let her keep it.”

It was just a little joke, a funny response that earned a snickered, “Ooh!” from the crew, one she’d heard and given a hundred times. She turned to get herself some more coffee.

“What’d you say, Harper?”

Kelly rolled her eyes. _Not this shit…_ She turned back with her coffee, saying, “Chill, Westmore, it was a ‘lil joke.”

“I don’t think it was very funny.”

“That’s not my problem.”

“I said, I don’t think it was funny. I wouldn’t talk about your mom like that.”

“Dude, you can talk about my mother however you like,” she chuckled, “Just don’t say her name three times into a mirror or she might rise from the grave.”

She took a sip of coffee, waiting for Westmore’s next move. _If he wants to take the low road, then so will I._ The rest of the crew seemed to be waiting with bated breath.

“How dare you talk about your mom-“

“No, that woman was not my mom. She gave birth to me, and that’s it. She wasn’t there for me. She didn’t raise me. She never paid for one goddamn thing. That bitch pushed me out and pawned me off on my aunt, so maybe don’t talk about shit you don’t know about.”

All eyes were on her as she sipped her coffee again, then they shifted to Westmore, who was red in the face.

“That’s no reason for you to talk about her like that.”

“Listen, dude, I don’t owe you my life story,” she said, “but she didn’t love me. She showed up twice a year, high off her ass, and would see if I was alive. No money, no presents, no apologies. Just a ‘Happy Birthday’ or ‘Merry Christmas’ and she was outta there. If she only wanted to acknowledge me twice a year, I was more than happy to give her the same treatment.”

Westmore gaped for a moment, opening and closing his mouth like a fish, before storming out of the kitchen. The crew was silent for a moment.

“Damn, Harper,” Curtis spoke up finally.

Kelly just shrugged, “I’m not gonna let anyone tell me how I’m supposed to feel,” and finished her coffee. _We’ll see if that helps or hurts with these guys._ It was her experience that men tended to not like women who were assertive, and this was the first time she’d really been pushed like that. She looked over at the crew to determine what each one might be thinking about her. Cap seemed to like her, stated he would have her back if needed, so she wasn’t too worried about him. Baines was pretty good, too. He’d started being a little more open and chatty, which was a good sign in her book. Mendoza probably wouldn’t change very much, either, was his own man and did what he wanted. Curtis, though… Curtis was Westmore’s partner, and partners were close, tended to go along with whatever the other did, and Westmore was most certainly going to be a problem. If Kelly could even begin to figure out why he hated her, she could better deal with his almost constant antagonism. _But we all know one big reason he doesn’t like me._

Kelly tried not to worry about it.


	3. Never Start Somethin' Ya Can't Finish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Drugs mention, swearing, some slurs, line of duty injury

August in Los Angeles was beyond hot. Johnny sighed, looking at the air conditioner for the hundredth time. Even with it blowing almost nonstop, the station still felt too hot and sticky, and it was beginning to wear on everyone’s nerves.

“Oh, shut up, Westie!”

Johnny dropped his head forward and sighed again, rising from his chair. _Kid just can’t leave well enough alone._ Westmore seemed to have made it his personal mission to make Harper miserable… only he wasn’t very good at it and generally just succeeded in making her mad.

“Don’t tell me to shut up!”

“Well, you’re just talkin’ shit so-“

“I am not talkin’ shit!”

“Coulda fooled me.”

“All I said was to watch your step ‘cause you bumped into me!”

“You walked into me! I was just standin’ here mindin’ my own business, moppin’ the floor, and you plowed on through! Dude, I’m workin’! I’m not movin’ outta your way!” she half-shouted.

Johnny hung back, waiting to see if they could resolve it on their own.

“You should,” Westmore told her.

Harper snorted, saying, “Oh, and why is that? ‘Cause your daddy’s got money?”

“Don’t-“

“Or is it ‘cause your mommy’s gonna come scold me for being mean to her widdle baby?”

The tension was palpable, crackling in the air between them.

“Don’t you fuckin’ dare-“

“Newsflash, Westmore, you’re not a big fish anymore. You’re a very small guppy in a very big pond,” she rolled over him, “and your mommy and daddy’s money don’t mean shit to me. Now fuck off so I can finish mopping. Go wash your dishes.”

“You can’t talk to me like-“

“I said, go wash your dishes!”

_If Westmore just walks away, that should be the end of it._

“Go wash the dishes yourself, you stupid fat bitch.”

_Shit._ Johnny started into the bay.

“First of all,” Harper told him, her voice dangerously calm, “that’s your duty, not mine, so I’m not doin’ your work for ya. Second of all, outta the two of us, only one of us was smart enough to make it through paramedic training, so while I might be a bitch and I am definitely fat, I’m far from stupid. Oh, and I did it without mommy and daddy sendin’ me money. Now, get outta my face.”

_Reckon that’s my cue._ Before Westmore could open his mouth again, Johnny stepped into the bay, saying, “Alright, c’mon now, let’s break it up. Westmore, you go wait in the office.”

“But-“

“Now. Go sit.”

It was particularly hot in the bay, evidenced by the wet patches on everyone’s uniform shirts. He took a moment to look at everyone and finally asked, “So who wants to tell me what all that was about?”

“Where’d ya come in at, Cap?” Harper asked.

“Right about at ‘shut up, Westie’.”

“Look, I was just moppin’ the floor,” she explains, “I know Baines hates it to begin with, and he gets a ‘lil cranky when he’s hot- no offense, Baines- so I offered to do it ‘cause I don’t mind it. Now, I’m just moppin’ and mindin’ my own business when Westmore comes in and elbows me in my back. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and I just asked him to be careful. I dunno, maybe he slipped and his arm flew out when he caught himself.”

“Sounds reasonable to me.”

No one made any comment, a fact for which Johnny was grateful. He thought it might have been thanks to Mendoza, who had moved to his side. Harper continued, “Well, Westmore didn’t think so. He told me to watch what I was doin’, and I said I was. I was lookin’ at the floor. Then he said I was the one that hit him ‘cause I didn’t move outta his way.”

“Alright, you go in the locker room and wait for me, Harper. I’ll be right there.”

“Yessir.”

Johnny waited for the door to shut before turning to Baines and Curtis, asked, “Well, what’d y’all see? And don’t lie to me tryin’ to stick up for your partners.”

“Honestly, Cap, I was workin’ on the drug box,” Baines said, “I didn’t look up ‘til the shouting started.”

Curtis wasn’t looking up, just stared down at his boots while Johnny waited for his response.

“I didn’t see it happen, Cap.”

_So he’s gonna stay neutral._

“Okay, you two go-… hell, I dunno, just go somewhere else,” he told them.

That just left him and Mendoza in the bay. Eddie Mendoza was the only person on his shift he’d really worked with before, and he liked him. His promotion came about three years before Johnny’s, making him one of the younger engineers in the department. He was a calm person, somewhat quiet but not shy, and he was very smart.

“Well, Eddie, what’d you see?”

“Harper’s right. I was over by the engine.”

“Westmore started it?”

“Sure did,” Mendoza said, paused for a moment, continued, “Man, he’s gotta cut this shit out.”

“Well, what d’you know about all this? You know a ‘lil more than I do.”

“I dunno how it really started. I just know that he doesn’t like her, so he gets nasty with her, but when he gets nasty, she gets nasty right back. Truthfully, I’ve never seen her start anything with him, not that that means it doesn’t happen.”

“What about Westmore himself? I mean other than what’s in his file.”

“I know his family has a lot of money,” Mendoza explained, “His family is all from, like, Rolling Hills… father’s an architect or somethin’ like that… mother comes from I think a- like a wine family maybe? I dunno, I just know they have a lotta money.”

“Then why the hell is he a fireman?” Johnny asked.

“That I don’t know,” Mendoza said, lowering his voice conspiratorially, “but we both know why he’s not a paramedic.”

Johnny hummed in response, but that got him thinking.

“Y’know what, Eddie? You mighta hit the nail on the head. That’s prob-“

“ _Station 36, Station 45, Station 127, structure fire, 6296 Walton Ave…_ ”

A thrill ran through Johnny’s system. The captain at 127s was Roy. They hadn’t worked together too often since their promotions, and it was always nice when they did. He climbed up into the cab beside Mendoza, watched everyone filter into their respective positions and vehicles. The second alarm was called while they were en route.

“Hey, Junior!”

“Hey, Roy! Where you want us?”

“Get your guys over here on the eastern exposure, and have your squad suit up. We’ve got a report of people still inside,” Roy explained.

Johnny directed his engine into the right spot, “Yeah, Eddie, right there… Perfect… Alright, Curtis, Westmore, grab that inch-and-a-half and get in there. Listen to DeSoto,” then hurried over to the squad, saying, “Suit up, you two. DeSoto says there’s people still-“

“ _Squad 36, Station 127, report of two victims still inside._ ”

“Squad 36, 10-4.”

He helped them with their air tanks and led them over to Roy.

“Most everyone’s outta the building, but someone told us there was a couple people in the basement. Two males, aged about 40 and 50 respectively.”

“Just be careful. There’s a lotta water in that building already,” Johnny told them.

As he watched them go in, he fought down a cold wave of dread, willed his heart out of his throat. Roy gripped his shoulder, told him, “They’ll be alright, Johnny,” then stepped back to talk to the chief. _I hope so, Roy… I really do._

xXxXx

_Some day for a fire…_ Kelly and Baines pushed forward into the smoky building. She could fee the sweat pouring down her back and chest and neck, soaking her shirts and pants.

“Stairs are over here!” she called, tapping Baines’ shoulder.

The door was already ajar, the smoke as thick down there as it was on the main floor. She just tried to breathe as calmly as possible. Both paramedics clicked on their flashlights, trying to see as much as possible.

The small basement was cluttered with all kinds of stuff, like glass jars and tubing and cooking equipment on tables, plus air cylinders and propane tanks. _What the hell? Guess we know what started the fire._ Locating the victims was difficult in all the mess, but they finally found them in the corner, both still somehow alive. Kelly took another look at everything, and that’s when it hit her.

“Baines, this is a drug lab!” she shouted.

He turned, looked at everything, replied, “I think you’re right! C’mon, let’s get outta here before somethin’ else blows!”

They each lifted a patient and began to make their way out, Baines taking the worst patient up first. Kelly started once he reached the top, readjusting her grip on the younger victim. She was halfway up the stairs when her patient began to struggle.

xXxXx

Baines was the first out, and Johnny hurried to him and his patient, ready to assist.

“He’s pretty bad, Cap. Looked like they were runnin’ a meth lab or somethin’ down there and it blew, as they do. I wanna get him on some oxygen… yeah… perfect, thanks, Cap.”

“No problem. Wasn’t too long ago I was doin’ your job. Where’s Harper?”

“Right behind me with the other patient,” he said, not looking up, “I told Curtis and Westie to keep an eye out and help her if she needs it.”

“You said she was right behind ya?”

“Yeah…”

Johnny looked to the entry of the building, his heart pounding. _No… No, not again._ He called over another firefighter to help Baines and moved closer. _Please, not again._ Mendoza and Roy came to stand with him, Roy asking, “Junior, what’s wrong?”

Curtis and Westmore stood by the entry, resting, smiling. Johnny’s blood boiled.

“Mendoza, suit up. We’re goin’ in.”

“Johnny, wha-“

“Harper’s still in there, Roy.”

“I’ll come, too.”

“No, Roy, I’m gonna need ya to keep an eye on these two.”

Johnny turned and bellowed, “Curtis! Westmore! Get over here now!”

They didn’t look nearly as sheepish as they should. He ordered, “You two jackasses are gonna sit here with DeSoto while me and Eddie go in for Harper, and you better pray she’s not seriously hurt. Do not move.”

He and Mendoza entered the building, the smoke beginning to clear from the interior. The basement stairs were an easy find. Sure enough, the basement was full of seemingly random equipment that Johnny recognized as useful for drug labs, though that was the least of his concerns at present. His paramedic was facedown on the floor, air tank and mask gone with no sign of the victim. Johnny went down the stairs as quick as he could to grab her.

“How is she, Cap?”

“Alive.”

The ‘for now’ was left unspoken, but he knew Mendoza would hear it. _Not again, not again._ He forced out the bad memories, tried to focus on the present. This was not the same scenario as before. This was a different day, a different injury… a different person.

“I need a paramedic!” Johnny shouted as they got outside, “I have a Code I!”

Baines looked up, but he still had his own patient to care for. There was fear in his eyes. The paramedics from 45s came running over and got to work, Johnny watching them for a moment. He felt the anger flooding back in. Returning to Roy and his two linemen, Johnny was ready to go; Roy hung back. Curtis and Westmore rose to meet him.

“You two sit your asses down and listen, and ya better listen good,” he told them, voice low and dangerous, “When you’re told to cover someone, you fuckin’ cover ‘em. No excuses. I don’t care if that person killed your dog, you cover ‘em. This petty bullshit is done. These stupid arguments are done. I don’t know what your issue is with Harper, and frankly, I really don’t care. Be an adult and deal with it. I’ve worked with plenty’a people I didn’t like and didn’t like me, but at the end of the day, we still had each other’s backs. This shit is unacceptable.

“You’re both in deep shit right now. You’re gettin’ written up, and you’re gettin’ suspended. No pay. And this is a helluva thing to have in your file, so good luck gettin’ promoted. Now get outta my sight. Go sit in the engine or somethin’.”

“Jesus, John, what happened?” Roy asked when they stepped away.

“Baines told ‘em to cover Harper and check on her if needed, and they clearly just decided to say fuck that. Meanwhile, Harper’s victim did somethin’ to her an-an-and stole her air and fled the scene. She’s out of it… God knows what she breathed in down there, Roy…”

“Doesn’t seem so harsh now.”

“Doesn’t seem harsh enough. They’re lucky the chief left.”

“Hey, Cap’n Gage,” Mendoza said, jogging over, “Ambulances are here now.”

“Good. How’s Harper look?”

“Not awake yet, but her vitals aren’t terrible.”

“Alright, tell Baines and 45s we’ll meet ‘em at Rampart, then tell Curtis to follow ‘em in the squad. We’ll follow in a minute.”

“You got it, Cap.”

Johnny let out a shaky sigh, scrubbing at his face, and Roy gripped his shoulder again.

“Hey, it’s alright, Junior. Harper’s gonna be alright. You did everything you were supposed to do.”

“I shoulda fixed it before. I knew Westmore didn’t like her, was always tryin’ to make her miserable, but… I-I never thought I’d ever see somethin’ like this happen. Tell me… am I doin’ the right thing, Roy?”

“I think so. After all, you’ve always done the right thing when it counted. I mean, you were definitely right when you said it was unacceptable. Even during your arguments with Chet-“

“Hey, uh, we better get to Rampart,” Johnny said quickly, “That okay with you?”

“Yeah… Yeah, that’s fine.”

He tried to ignore the disappointed look in Roy’s eyes, bid him farewell, and called Mendoza back over. Westmore stayed silent the entire ride. _Probably the smartest thing he’s ever done._ Johnny just didn’t know exactly what to do, and that was the worst thing. When he was a paramedic, he could fix things. There was always a specific problem, and there was a definitive way to fix it, a protocol for fixing it. This was not a broken arm or a head injury or a stab wound. He just didn’t know what to do.

Dr. Early came out to them after about thirty minutes.

“How is she, doc?” Baines asked.

“She’ll recover just fine, I think,” Early answered, “We’re going to keep her here for a couple of days just to keep an eye on her. She breathed in some nasty stuff, and so her airway is irritated, and there’s some pulmonary edema. We’ll keep her on oxygen for a bit, but I don’t see why she won’t make a full recovery, fellas. That’s one tough paramedic you have in there.”

“We think so,” Johnny said, “Good luck keepin’ her here. I’m bettin’ she ain’t a good patient.”

“So far she is, but she can’t really fight back just yet.”

“You just wait, doc. Say, when will she be back?”

“Back to work? I’d give it at least a week after her discharge, maybe two. Depends on how well she heals and how fast.”

“And when can we see her?” Baines spoke up.

“Right now. She’s in Three, and she’s awake and talking.”

Baines headed for the door, Johnny and Mendoza right with him. If Early thought two of them staying behind was odd, he said nothing, simply opened the door for them. Baines made a beeline straight for his partner.

“Hey, how are ya feeling?”

“Like shit, but I’ll manage,” she rasped.

“Jesus-… I-I’m sorry. I shoulda let you go first and get outta there, Kelly.”

Johnny felt his stomach clench, blood rushing in his ears momentarily. The golden-green eyes flashed blue again. _Stop it. This is ridiculous._ He shook himself slightly, grateful no one was paying him any mind. _It’s been more than a year. This has to stop soon._

“Say… where are the other two?” Harper asked.

Her voice was rough, the result of inflammation from breathing in a variety of chemical fumes, and the pulmonary edema wasn’t helping, either. The three men shared a look before Baines explained what happened. Harper just listened.

“Can’t say I’m sur-surprised, really,” she said when Baines finished, “I mean, I am ‘cause it’s such a shitty thing… but after this morning….

“Don’t worry about them, Harper,” Johnny spoke up, “I’m gonna deal with ‘em. Already gave ‘em a piece of my mind, but they’re gonna be disciplined, too.”

“How?”

“Well, my plan for now is to write ‘em up and suspend ‘em without pay for a couple shifts. It’s sure gonna wreak hell on ‘em for future promotions.”

“I was hopin’ you were gonna kick their asses.”

Johnny snorted, replied, “Unfortunately, I like my job, so that’s outta the question… and I like you in your job, so I’d rather you didn’t do it, either.”

“Not much I can do right now, but I’ll keep it in the back of my mind.”

“I hope you do. Anyway, what’d Early say?”

The three of them hung out until they could get a replacement paramedic, which gave Johnny time to talk to Early about his paramedic.

“Now, when she’s released, I’d prefer if she could stay with someone or have someone stay with her,” Early explained, “She might have some breathing trouble for another few days until the edema goes away. That way if she needs help, someone’s there.”

“Sounds good, doc. Thanks for the hard work.”

“Anything for a bright young paramedic.”

“I think you’ve used that line on me before.”

Early just gave him a wink and headed off to another patient. Shaking his head, Johnny turned and looked back in on Harper and Baines, saw both were smiling. _They’ll make a good pair of partners yet… Already do, really._ He was glad they’d have the time to keep working together. The smile faded from his face as he looked on his two linemen. It certainly felt like he was doing the right thing concerning their discipline, but there was one person he wanted to ask to be sure.


	4. Semper Fidelis Esto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mild language, period-typical ableist slur

“Gage, it’s a pleasure to see you again,” Brice said, shaking his hand at the table in the diner, “but I’m not entirely sure of the purpose of this meeting.”

“I need your opinion on somethin’.”

Brice’s eyebrows went up slightly. _Yeah, I’ll be he wasn’t expectin’ that._ Johnny continued, “See… I have a disciplinary issue on my hands.”

“Of what sort?”

“My two linemen thought it’d be funny to leave one of my paramedics in the basement after her partner asked ‘em to make sure she got out alright. Turns out she’d been pert near knocked out and had her air tank stolen by whatever meth head she was tryin’ to rescue.”

“They abandoned her?”

“Basically, yeah.”

Brice hummed but said nothing for a long moment. They’d known each other for some years now, and while they didn’t always get along, they were always there when the other needed him.

“They exhibited a disturbing amount of disloyalty, which I know you see as a cardinal sin.”

“It’s ‘the’ cardinal sin, especially in this job. Our lives depend on knowin’ that someone wearin’ the same uniform is gonna be there to catch us, that someone’s got our back, that they’re gonna come lookin’ for us.”

“I don’t disagree, Gage.”

“I think they deserve to be written up, particularly Westmore ‘cause I know he was the mastermind. I don’t really feel too bad about potentially hurtin’ his career… but Curtis… I dunno what to do. Curtis is a-a good fireman. He’s got potential to be great, but he just follows whatever his partner does. I don’t wanna ruin him for one bad choice.”

“I don’t know Curtis, but I did work with Westmore once just before our promotion. This sort of vindictive behavior seems to be a pattern of his, particularly with paramedics since he failed to complete the program.”

“That’s a polite way of puttin’ it, Brice.”

“I suppose it would more accurate to say he flunked out in the first month of training… or perhaps that he was asked to leave the program in the first month of training.”

“See, now you’re gettin’ the hang of it.”

A small smile flashed across Brice’s face, brief as a lightning bolt, but it enough for Johnny since it was such a rare event.

“To me, it sounds like Curtis can be reasoned with, like he could be made to see the error of his ways,” Brice explained, “Westmore is a different matter. Based off previous behvior, I believe he is well overdue for some form of punishment.”

“Strong words from you.”

“They have been known to happen occasionally… and if you would like, I will provide you some information on Westmore’s prior behavior in this manner.”

His lips were barely upturned, but for Brice, he might as well have been smirking. Johnny leaned in over the table.

“Spill it.”

xXxXx

Kelly was already sick of the hospital, but at least she had visitors since her shift was off today. Mendoza came first, probably right after the shift ended.

“I wish you coulda seen it,” he said, “Cap really tore into Curtis and Westie there on scene. I’ve never seen him that pissed off before. Never really seen him pissed off period.”

“Sorry I missed it. He gonna talk to ‘em next shift?”

“Yeah, I think so. They were pretty quiet the rest of our shift, though, even Westie.”

“Didn’t even talk about himself? I’ll believe that when I see it.”

Her voice was still harsh and raspy from inflammation caused by breathing in whatever chemicals she’d breathed in, and her breathing wasn’t quite up to par from the edema. _But I’m gettin’ better._ She and Mendoza had a nice conversation, and since he’d always been friendly with her, she broached the subject of maybe staying with him for a few days during her recovery.

“I dunno… I could ask my roommate, but I dunno. He’s kinda weird about that shit, about havin’ people stay over, I mean,” he explained.

She knew he meant ‘women’ instead of people, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she asked, “Yeah? Who is he?”

“Just a friend of mine for a long time. We’ve known each other since high school, and now he’s finishing up a degree in chemical engineering.”

“Oh, that’s exciting. Good for him.”

“Yeah, he’s excited to be done. He did some time in the Navy, so he started a little late, but he really enjoys it. He’s only got one more year to go.”

“Well, tell him I said good luck, Eddie.”

_So that’s a no._ Mendoza stayed until Baines arrived, wife and daughter in tow.

“Hey, Frank! Oh and Bonnie and Erin!” Kelly said.

“Hello, Kelly!” Bonnie greeted her, giving her a hug, “How are you feeling, honey? Frankie told me what happened.”

“I’m gettin’ better, so that’s what counts.”

“That’s good. Here, we brought your little friend, Erin, and she wanted to bring you a present to help you feel better… isn’t that right, sweetie?”

Bonnie hoisted the toddler up onto the bed, and Kelly was handed three yellow dandelions.

“Thank you, Erin, they’re lovely, and they certainly make me feel much better.”

Her partner asked some more questions about her recovery and gave her some more information on the developing disciplinary situation.

“Cap’n Brice?” Kelly squeaks.

“Yep, Cap’n Brice,” Baines said, “I knew they knew each other pretty well before they got promoted, but what I didn’t know is that Brice apparently worked with Westie once, and things did not go well.”

“Exactly how not well did they go?”

“That I don’t know for sure. I was gettin’ the info secondhand myself. I’m guessin’ it was just Westie bein’ Westie and bein’ a douchebag.”

“Frankie!”

“Sorry…”

Kelly spoke up, “So what’re y’all gonna do for your four days, Frank?”

“We’re gonna go up and see my parents,” he replied, “They live up on a lake, so it’s the perfect getaway for summer. Had it planned for a while now. Should be fun.”

_Shit._

“Sure sounds fun. Y’all are gonna have a great time.”

She smiled, didn’t let it show that she was disappointed. _I’m runnin’ outta friends._ Still, it was nice to see Baines and his family, especially little Erin. They were such a sweet family, and though nothing had been said, Kelly was fairly certain Bonnie was pregnant. She just had kind of a sixth sense for pregnant people, and Bonnie did look a bit chubbier around the middle than usual. _I expect we’ll get that announcement soon._ The Baineses stayed for about an hour before bidding Kelly goodbye and wishing her a speedy recovery. She sighed and settled in for a lonely rest of her day.

“How ya feelin’, Harper?”

She looked up.

“Cap! And Cap’n DeSoto!”

DeSoto smiled at her, too, saying, “You feelin’ any better, Harper?”

“A little… I’ve had some visitors today, so that was nice. Just wasn’t expectin’ to see ya, Cap… or Cap’n DeSoto,” she replied.

“I wanted to check up on ya,” Cap said, “wanted to see how ya were doin’. Gave us quite a scare.”

“Wasn’t exactly a walk in the park for me, either.”

“I can imagine. You have anyone to stay with for a few days once you’re discharged?”

“Not yet… Mendoza doesn’t think his roommate would be cool with it… and Frank’s goin’ away with his family… so yeah… nothin’ so far.”

“They’re the only ones you asked?”

“Only people I’m really friends with, Cap… I’m not very popular, after all.”

All her family and friends were scattered between South Jersey and Montana, and none of them were going to fly to LA to babysit her. _Probably wouldn’t even come if I was dead._ Cap looked almost sad, kind of pitying, so Kelly continued, “I’ll be alright, fellas. I’ve been alone for a while. I can take care of myself.”

Cap’s body gave a little twitch, and DeSoto gave him an odd look.

“Well, you’re not alone anymore,” Cap said, “You can stay with me.”

“John…”

They both looked at DeSoto, who shook his head, saying, “Johnny, I’m not sayin’ you shouldn’t, but- I mean-… well, people might talk… if ya know what I mean.”

“But it wouldn’t be like that,” Kelly replied, “Everyone knows I’m hurt.”

“That won’t keep people from thinkin’ otherwise.”

“Roy, c’mon… it’s just like when I’d get my dumb ass hurt and stay with you or Cap or Mike and Marco or- well, I mean, it’s the same thing.”

“None of us were women,” DeSoto stated simply.

He was probably right, of course. It wouldn’t be the first time someone accused Kelly of sleeping with her superiors. _Something I’ve never done, thanks very much._ She’d managed to properly refute it every time, and if Cap was willing to give her help, she didn’t want to turn it down.

“But, Roy, you know it’s not like that-“

“Of course I know, but nobody else does! Look, I just don’t want either one of ya to hurt your careers-“

“But- But we’re not gonna be doin’ anything to hurt our careers!”

_Boy, Cap can sure get worked up._ DeSoto’s expression said he was clearly used to it, though, and Kelly remembered they used to be partners before becoming captains. They were partners for a long time, if she remembered right.

“Johnny, I’m not sayin’ you’re gonna do anything! I’m only sayin’ people might think you are, and I want you to be careful!”

“You two always like this?” Kelly asked.

“If you mean is he always pig-headed and am I always exasperated, then yes,” DeSoto answered flatly.

The look Cap gave him was scandalized. DeSoto heaved a sigh, saying, “Look, Junior, I can’t tell you what to do or what not to do. I can only give you my opinion.”

“Which I appreciate. Here, you can be a witness.”

“A witness-? A witness to what?”

“Me and Harper makin’ an agreement that nothin’ funny’s gonna go on if she agrees to recuperate with me,” he turned to her, “That sound good, Harper?”

“Sounds good to me, Cap.”

“Perfect, and Roy witnessed the agreement, so it’s official,” Cap stated.

“That’s all well and good, John, but where will she sleep? In-“

“In the recliner,” Cap jumped in, “Better for her if she’s havin’ trouble breathin’.”

He’d run over his friend’s words a little too quickly. The look in DeSoto’s eyes made Kelly think perhaps there’d been some kind of bad break-up Cap wasn’t over yet, though her sixth sense unfortunately was limited to pregnancy. A bad experience might explain why he only called her by her last name, too.

“Harper?”

She blinked, asked, “What?”

“I said, I’m gonna let Early know that I’ll come pick you up after our shift on Tuesday morning, that okay?”

“Yeah, Cap. That’s fine.”

She didn’t press the issue. She just let Cap and DeSoto talk.

xXxXx

“Ah, Curtis, just the fella I wanted to see,” Johnny said, “Have a seat.”

He looked nervous, but he did as he was told, perching on the edge of the chair.

“I’ve given you some time to think about what I said to ya the other day… about write-ups and suspensions and everything,” Johnny explained, “I’m gonna give ya the chance to change my mind, Curtis.”

“Sir?”

“Alex, you’re a good fireman. You could be a great one, but you’ve gotta start thinkin’ for yourself,” Johnny told him, leaning forward, “Now, I dunno if ya don’t feel confident in yourself or you’re worried about makin’ waves with your partner or what, but it’s gotta stop. You’re smart and you’re good at your job and you know what’s right and what’s not.”

Johnny couldn’t quite pin down the expression on Curtis’ dark brown face, watched it shift from sadness to fear and many things in-between.

“He said it would be a joke, Cap, but I knew she was takin’ too long. When I told him that, he just said for me to forget it and if she couldn’t make it out on her own then she didn’t deserve the job. I didn’t wanna go along with it, but-…“

“But what?”

“Well… he’s always tellin’ me how his family has money and is really powerful and if I like my job I’ll do what he says,” Curtis said quietly.

Anger bubbled up in Johnny’s chest, but he pushed it away. He stood and went to sit next to Curtis, settled a hand on his arm, told him gently, “Thank you for lettin’ me know all that, Alex. I appreciate it. Now, I wanna help you. I’m still gonna write ya up, but I’m gonna word it as favorably as I can. Disloyal is the worst thing we can be. We need to be able to count on one another when shit goes down, no matter what. I’ve helped plenty’a guys I didn’t like because even if I didn’t like ‘em, we were both firemen. Y’know what I’m sayin’, right?”

“Yeah, Cap, I do. My dad woulda just said ‘Semper Fidelis’.”

“I s’pose the Marines did say it best. Anyway, you’re as off the hook as I can get ya, Alex. Rest of it’s up to you. Ideally, and this is gonna make me sound like a dad or a teacher, I’d like for you to apologize to Harper in person.”

“I’ll do it the day she comes back to work.”

“Good. Now get outta here, pal.”

He watched the lineman go, wore a small smile. _He’ll come through this alright._ Curtis was a good kid, after all, and he deserved a chance.

“Westmore! In my office!”

Johnny went back and sat behind the desk, waiting for Westmore. The young man stepped into the office and shut the door behind him. Johnny did not ask him to sit, wanted to make this as uncomfortable for him as possible.

“Westmore, your behavior last shift was completely unacceptable. The absolute worst thing a firefighter can be is disloyal to their fellow firefighters, and you were disloyal-“

“Sir, it was a joke-“

“No, it wasn’t. A joke is a water bomb in the cabinets or a CPR dummy in someone’s trunk,” he fought off a wave of sadness, “What you did was dangerous and damn near cost Harper her life. If she had died, I woulda sent you to jail, and honestly, I’ve half a mind to do it anyway. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior. None.”

“I can’t be expected to wanna help someone who hates me.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. I’ve worked with plenty of guys who hated me and I hated right back, but when push came to shove, we helped each other. I’ve run rescues where I’ve heard people scremain’ they don’t want me to treat ‘em ‘cause I’m an Indian, or they don’t want a black guy touchin’ ‘em or a Mexican or whatever, but guess what? They still got rescued by us even though they’d rather see us dead… and that goes for some guys in the department, too. You aren’t always gonna like your brother, but if anything’s threatenin’ him, you’re gonna help him.”

“I don’t have a brother,” he said, as if it were an explanation.

“I’m aware… especially since you don’t seem to regard this department as your family… and maybe that’s the problem,” Johnny said, leaning back in his chair, “You seem to think this department owes you somethin’. You wanted to be a paramedic, right?”

“Yes, Cap.”

“Why?”

Westmore blinked. Johnny elaborated, “Why did you wanna become a paramedic? Did the job seem exciting or did you wanna get the glory or get your name in the paper?”

“Yeah… all of those, I guess.”

“Any other reasons?”

“None that I can think of, sir.”

“Then I’m glad you’re not a paramedic ‘cause that’s not what the job is about,” he told him firmly, “The biggest reason you should wanna do this job is because you wanna help people. Sure, it’s fun when it’s exciting or you get your name in the paper or see yourself on TV, but this program was started to help people. This program was started because firefighters and doctors saw a need to have trained emergency professionals in the field to get people medical treatment as fast as possible so they’ll survive to get to a hospital. Hell, I almost quit plenty of times when it got tough, but then I thought about how many people could be saved because of my training, because of all our training, so I stuck with it. I didn’t get here because I was out there huntin’ glory or ‘cause I was owed somethin’.”

“Sir, I-“

“-but thinkin’ you’re owed somethin’ like you’re better than everyone else seems to be your MO,” Johnny rolled over him, “See, I went and had a chat with a good buddy of mine, Captain Brice, and he had some pretty damning things to say about you.”

“But, sir, Brice is a-“

His mouth snapped shut.

“A what, Westmore? And you better think carefully about how you wanna finish that sentence, but I have a pretty good idea what you were thinkin’ ‘cause you’ve said it to his face. Those were some very unkind words you said to him… ‘bout him bein’ a retard and not deservin’ to be a paramedic. Those were your words, weren’t they?”

“I didn’t mean it to be-“

“I don’t like bein’ lied to.”

Westmore’s mouth snapped shut again, but he was beginning to look angry. _Good._ Johnny spoke again, “I guess your problem is you went through life gettin’ whatever you wanted without doin’ anything to earn it, and ya just can’t get it through your head that the rest of the world isn’t like that. You are owed very little in this world, and you’re not owed a damn thing in this department unless you earn it first.”

“But I have earned it! I’ve worked hard! I busted my ass to do well and they kicked me out for no reason, just to let in people who aren’t as good as me!”

“And why weren’t they good enough?”

“Because they’re all poor, inner-city trash!” Westmore shouted, “They could barely pass high school biology, an-and now they wanna be doctors by proxy! Jesus, they don’t have proper families, proper careers, proper schooling, nothing!”

“So you think you’re better than us?”

“I know I’m better!”

_And there it is…_ He took particular pleasure in the look of dawning horror that came over Westmore’s face.

“That attitude right there is why you were kicked out of the paramedic program,” Johnny said in a low voice, “Those people have worked harder than you could ever imagine to get this far, never had a thing handed to ‘em. I’ve worked with guys who came from nothin’… came from places swarmed with gangs or parents who beat ‘em or where they came within a dollar or two of bein’ homeless every month or-or they came back from ‘Nam and hit rock bottom and clawed their way back up. Now what do you know about any of that, huh? Tell me.”

“Nothing, sir.”

“Exactly. S’pose that’s why you hate Harper so much, ‘cause a woman’s doin’ a job you couldn’t… but that’s your problem, not mine. My problem is makin’ sure you’re properly disciplined for your behavior and that this station operates efficiently,” Johnny told him, “I’m writin’ you up, and it’s not gonna be nice, especially after what I just heard. Then you’re gonna be suspended without pay for five shifts. Beyond that… honestly, my advice to you, Westmore, is to get out of this business entirely. It’s not a good fit for you. Now get out.”

He felt a savage sort of satisfaction at the hurt in Westmore’s face as he left, particularly now that he knew exactly what was in Westmore’s mind. _Really stuck to him there. Good work, Gagey-baby._ The familiar remembered voice caught Johnny off-guard, and he shook himself to shoo it away. He grabbed his pen and started on Westmore’s note first.


	5. You Don't Always Have to be Strong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: some language, mentioned character death, maybe it's supernatural-ish? (I dunno if that last one needs to be a warning, but it might be important to know.)

“Hey, thanks again, doc.”

“Don’t mention it, Kelly,” Early said, “You were a pleasure.”

“I try… No offense, but I never wanna be a patient here again.”

“No, I understand.”

He wore his trademark smirk, one that was soft and warm and made a person feel at ease. That was the sort of person he was, and that was why Kelly liked him so much.

“Now then, Kelly,” Early said, “I want you to come back in a week for a check-up, and from there, we’ll determine a date for your return to work. Especially during these first few days, you should take it easy. No undue exertion. And I suggest you sleep propped up for a few more nights, at least until you’re comfortable enough to lie down.”

“Yeah, Cap mentioned a recliner,” she replied.

“That’ll be perfect. Well, I’ll leave you to it. Johnny should be here soon and-“

“Would you be able to stay for a bit? Until Cap gets here or you’re called away, anyway?”

“I think so. Why? Is something the matter?”

“I just wanna talk.”

“About what?”

“It might be kinda weird, but… Captain Gage,” she told him.

“Captain Gage. It still sounds funny when people call him that.”

“So, you’ve known him for a while?”

“I was here when the paramedic program began, and I’ve known Johnny since he went through this program, even a little bit before. You’re very lucky to have him as your captain, Kelly.”

“So far I have been. Listen, though, I was just curious… did anything bad happen to him?”

“Bad like what? I know he’s seen some pretty terrible things on the job.”

“No, I was thinkin’ on a personal level… He just gets a ‘lil funny sometimes, especially with me… gets kinda distant… ‘lil glazed over… I mean, if I look like his crazy ex, I’d like to know.”

“I’m afraid it’s not my story to tell. Still, I wouldn’t take it personally. Johnny can be a little odd sometimes, just the way he is, but-“

“ _Dr. Early, report to Treatment Room 4. Dr. Early, Treatment 4._ ”

“Duty calls. Remember, Kelly. One week for your check-up and take it easy. See ya.”

“See ya, doc.”

She sighed, watching him go, waiting by herself again. At least it gave her time to think. _C’mon now… think about what he said and what he didn’t._ She’d tried to become better at deciphering general conversation. As a paramedic, she was able to listen between the words, determine the important connections between the said and unsaid, the specific words used in place of one more generic. It was sometimes harder than it seemed. When she’d asked about something bad happening to Cap, Early immediately jumped to the job but didn’t get more specific. _If he had meant on a rescue, I think he woulda said so, though._ She presumed that meant the incident causing this odd behavior happened on the job, but not on a rescue. Unfortunately, it was hard to tell with Early because he was so good at dissembling. _And he didn’t deny it was a break-up, just said it wasn’t his story to tell…_ She sighed again, wondering how Sherlock Holmes did it.

“There ya are, Harper. Ready to get outta here?” Cap asked.

“Absolutely! Let’s go!”

“Hey, take it easy there, tiger,” Dixie said, coming into the room, “I just need your signature on these forms, and then I’ll give ya a ride out the door. After that, you’re Johnny’s to deal with. Here, lemme hand these over…”

Cap stood by, wearing a crooked smile, especially when Kelly protested the wheelchair.

“There ya go, Kelly. You’re free. When will you be back?”

“One week.”

“I’ll see you in one week, then,” Dixie smiled, “Feel better, Kelly.”

Kelly tried to ignore the way Cap shifted behind her. He helped her stand up from the chair, and they slowly walked across the parking lot.

“God, I’m hungry,” she said, as soon as she settled into the truck, “The food there isn’t bad, but it doesn’t really sustain ya, y’know?”

“I do, indeed. Been there as a patient a few times myself.”

“I would never guess, Cap. You seem so… level-headed.”

“Don’t let Roy hear you say that. See, Dixie used to joke they were gonna name a treatment room after me, I was in there so much. Roy could tell ya… Alright, well… You’re hungry, and I’m hungry, so let’s get some breakfast. You got anywhere particular you’d like to go?”

“Not really… haven’t been here long enough to have favorites yet.”

_Plus I don’t have any friends to go out with, but that’s not the point._ It was a cute little diner Cap drove them to, reminded Kelly of the ones back in South Jersey.

“Hey, I’m curious, Harper,” Cap asked while they ate, “Why don’t you have anyone listed for an emergency contact in your file? I was lookin’ for one when ya got hurt and there was no one.”

“Just don’t,” she shrugged, “Cousins are all over and I don’t really have any friends. ‘Sides, if I’m dead, they’ll find my next of kin easy enough… dunno, I just didn’t know who to put.”

“You don’t have any other family?”

“Nope. Never really knew my father… mother was a useless, nasty witch who died from god-knows-what, like, ten years ago… uncle died when I was little, and my aunt died of cancer about six years ago… One cousin in Philly, one in Houston, one in Chicago… We don’t talk much aside from the odd card at holidays.”

She ate a little more and tried to catch her breath, asked, “What ‘bout you, Cap? Sounds like you had a good family.”

“Oh, I did… See, both my parents were killed in a car accident when I was seven, so I was pretty much raised by my aunt and uncle, and me and my cousins grew up pretty close… still pretty close, actually,” he answered.

“Sounds nice.”

“It is.”

She meant no bitterness, and she could tell Cap didn’t want to rub it in. He understood what she’d been through, at least partly. Conversation turned to more benign topics for the rest of breakfast, though they argued over who would pay, finally just deciding to pay for their own meals to settle the conflict.

“You up to walkin’ around the grocery store?” Cap asked when they returned to the Rover, “Just wanna pick up a few things, maybe get some stuff you’d like.”

“Aw, you don’t hafta… I’m pretty easy with food… just no cheese, no mayo, no pickles, no ham…”

“Yeah, real easy, Harper… C’mon, we’ll go slow…”

The most frustrating thing for Kelly was getting tired simply from walking. Even walking at less than half her normal pace, she had trouble catching her breath, and she hated just meandering along. Her hospital bracelet was still on, too. _I look like shit, too… hair’s all greasy, ain’t shaved my legs in three days, wearin’ this ratty t-shirt._ It didn’t really do much for her confidence, but at least she had an excuse, and Cap didn’t seem to mind. _I’m sure he’s seen worse._

“Alright, once we get into my apartment, we’ll get ya settled in and you can relax,” Cap told her, “Sorry you’re gonna hafta climb some stairs, but we’ll get ya up there one way or another.”

“As long as you’re ready to carry me, then we’re good.”

She did not have to be carried, which was good because Kelly wasn’t sure she was ready for that level of embarrassment. It just took a few minutes to get up there. Cap led her in and settled her on the couch before going to retrieve the groceries. Kelly tried to catch her breath, but the breathlessness wouldn’t go away. The heat certainly hadn’t helped, either. Focusing on her breathing, she looked around the apartment.

It was cluttered and lived in but by no means filthy. Magazines and catalogues were scattered around the living room, on the floor and tables. A couple of t-shirts hung over the backs of furniture. Records were stacked on the floor beside the player, overflowed a milk crate, sat on top of the player itself. Some photos and newspaper clippings were tacked up on the wall near the TV. Kelly got to her feet to look at them a little closer.

One of the four photos actually in a frame was an old one, just a man, a woman, and a little boy with longish hair, the woman and the boy bearing the same crooked smile. Another was a big family portrait, a couple and seven children, and one showed the same nine people but older, Cap easily picked out. The newspaper clippings all mentioned Station 51, which must have been Cap’s old station. All of the other photos seemed to be candids of the same six men. She recognized Cap and DeSoto. One of the older men was probably their captain, with dark hair and long limbs and a bright smile, and she kicked herself for not quickly recognizing Capt. Stanley, whom she’d met a once or twice before. Two of them, a man with brown hair and a Latino who appeared with and without a moustache, were usually together, standing next to each other. There was one man, though, who was in every photo except the family ones. He was handsome in a goofy sort of way, with dark curly hair, a thick moustache, and bright blue eyes. His build was on the thicker side, a little shorter and stouter than the other men. A smile was always on his face… and on Cap’s. The fourth framed photo was of Cap and the goofy guy, both in their turnouts and bunkers as they sat on the back of an engine, both grinning. It was a lovely photo.

“Hey, Harper, everything alright?” Cap asked.

She turned to look at him. Cap’s eyes flickered between her and the photos, his expression not quite readable.

“I… I was just lookin’ at the pictures,” she said lamely.

“Just my family… fellas I worked with back at 51s.”

“Looks like y’all are good friends… lots of smiles.”

“Yeah… yeah, we, uh, we all usually had a pretty good time,” he replied, coming over to stand by her, “Had a lotta good times…”

His tone and expression were wistful. He brought his hand up as if to touch one of the photos but changed his mind, bringing it in against his chest. _What happened?_ Kelly wanted to know, but she was too afraid to ask in case he got upset. After a moment, Cap seemed to shake himself out of his reverie, and he said, “C’mon, Harper, I’ll give ya the grand tour…”

The kitchen was easy enough to navigate, and he showed her where she could put her things in the bathroom. It was a nice little place.

“Oh, you have a two-bedroom?” she said, reaching for the closed door, “Y’know, I don’t need the recliner. I can prop myself up in-“

“No!”

She let out a yelp as Cap shot forward to grab the handle and slammed the door back shut.

“Jesus- I’m sorry, Harper, just-“ he let out a shaky sigh, “Please don’t go in there.”

“O-Okay. I won’t.”

_What the actual fuck happened?_

xXxXx

Johnny still felt bad for overreacting yesterday. Looking over to the recliner, he checked on Harper one more time. The paramedic was sleeping peacefully, though her breathing wasn’t quite as deep as he would like. _She pushed herself a bit hard today._ They’d gone to pick up her car and get some things from her locker, and the stairs and walking and hot, humid air had taken their toll on her. He sighed quietly, lying back on the couch, casting his gaze to the collection of photos he kept on the wall, and he swallowed hard.

Thankfully, Harper hadn’t asked too many questions about them, but she’d seemed pretty mesmerized by them. _She told me she doesn’t have any friends…_ He’d never really kept pictures before except for ones of his family, but after all that had happened last year… He’d been left with a number of photos of Chet. At first, he couldn’t put them up, couldn’t bear to look at them, but now he couldn’t bear to be without them. Johnny swallowed hard again, a sudden lump in his throat. Instead of thinking about it further, he stretched out and closed his eyes, hoping to fall asleep quickly.

It was still dark when he woke up, moonlight streaming in through the window behind the recliner. _I closed those blinds._ He blinked in the soft light, tried to orient himself wondered why he was awake. Panic swept over him as he realized Harper wasn’t breathing. He ran over to her. The panic got worse when he realized she had no pulse, no respirations, no nothing. He checked his watch. The secondhand wasn’t moving, and he couldn’t hear the clock ticking, either. _What the hell?_ Clouds weren’t moving across the sky. Trees were caught mid-breeze. This wasn’t normal. _I have to be dreamin’… but what the hell could I be dreamin’ about?_ He turned back to the recliner only to find Harper wasn’t there anymore, but at least now he was sure he was dreaming. That made it a little less weird. Johnny returned to the couch.

At least, he would have returned to the couch, if he hadn’t seen the door to the other bedroom open. _I closed that, too. It’s been closed over a year._ It shouldn’t be open. Johnny padded his way back there, wary despite the fact it was all in his head. His heart beat a little faster. He’d had too many nightmares like this before, where he’d go into that room and find a broken and bloody body screaming at him, hurling accusations, but he felt compelled to keep moving despite his fear. He pushed open the door all the way.

“There you are! I’ve been waitin’ for ya, babe. Sure took ya long enough.”

“Che-Chet?”

He was just sitting cross-legged on the bed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, grinning, blue eyes bright in the moonlight. Tears welled in Johnny’s eyes.

“But-… But you’re-“

“-dead. Yeah, it kinda blows sometimes, but it’s not all bad. Mostly I just hang out.”

Johnny shook his head, muttered, “No… N-No, I-I-I can’t handle this. I can’t-“

“Hey, babe, calm down,” Chet said, getting to his feet, “It’s just a dream. Honestly, I been waitin’ for ya to dream somethin’ nice about me. I know they’re usually pretty bad. C’mon, Johnny… come sit down with me… enjoy a nice dream for once.”

Johnny pulled in a shaky breath but did as Chet suggested, watched his blue eyes look around the room.

“Hasn’t changed much… Just a couple things gone.”

“The fellas all came over, like, a week after your funeral and took away some of it… and we did what you said with the cars and money…” Johnny told him thickly, “but honestly, I couldn’t part with the rest of it. It feels too much like forgetting you. I just couldn’t.”

“As if you could ever forget me.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, but it’s just stuff-“

“But it’s not! All this stuff, every single ‘lil thing is a-a memory. Look when my parents died, I only got to keep what I was told I could keep. I was only seven. I didn’t have any say. And when Drew died, again, I didn’t have any say. He was married, and it was his wife’s job to dole everything out, so I only got to keep what I was told I could keep. It’s always felt like someone tellin’ me what memories I could and couldn’t have, and I hated it, Chet. I still hate it.”

“So when I died, you kept everything ‘cause there was no one to tell you ya couldn’t.”

“I tried… I really did. Roy even came over’n tried to help, but-… I dunno, it felt like everything I picked up made me think about you somehow, an-and I just- I couldn’t.“

A couple tears slid down his face. Chet reached out and took his hands. Every callous was familiar, exactly the way Johnny remembered. His lip trembled.

“You were my best friend, Chet,” he choked out, “I just miss you so much, and sometimes it feels like everyone forgot about you or like they don’t care, and it fuckin’ hurts… ‘cause they just tell me to get over it, and I can’t. I just can’t-“

He couldn’t hold back the sobs anymore. He just cried, his sobs tired and weak and quiet, and that was just how he felt. He was tired of feeling like this. Warm arms wrapped around him, pulling him close. It was familiar and wonderful, but oh, did it hurt. Johnny nestled himself against Chet’s side, desperate for this final memory of him, desperate to remember every little thing about this man he’d loved as a brother. Johnny had never dealt with loss well.

“I wanna stay here forever,” he murmured.

“I know… so do I, but you still got your whole life to live, babe,” Chet told him softly, “You got your own crew now, got people who count on ya, look up to ya… And you’re doin’ a great job so far. See, I still know what’s goin’ on, after all. I keep up with everything. That ‘lil punk bitch Westmore? Jesus, I’ve never seen ya like that, Johnny. It was beautiful. It was just like you, though, fightin’ the good fight and standin’ up for someone else. Classic Gage.”

“I’m guessin’ you have a point comin’ up soon?” he huffed.

“Actually, I do. My point, Johnny, is that you been freakin’ out that kid in there.”

“Harper? How have I been freakin’ Harper out?”

“Oh, like you don’t know. First of all, you won’t call her by her first name.”

“There’s plenty of people I don’t call by their first name.”

“Yeah, but it’s usually ‘cause ya don’t like ‘em much, except for Brice, and that’s ‘cause he prefers bein’ called by his last name. What’s so wrong with callin’ her ‘Kelly’, huh?”

“Felt too much like I was tryin’ to replace you,” Johnny mumbled.

“Babe, I am irreplaceable. You should know that.”

“No, I do, I do…” he said, pressing closer to Chet again, “Just… please, Chet, tell me what to do… I’m so fuckin’ tired of feelin’ sad and bein’ afraid to talk about you ‘cause I don’t wanna cry in front of people… dammit, I don’t wanna feel like this anymore.”

Johnny’s tears started anew. Chet made a soft noise and held him tight, tucking Johnny’s head against his shoulder.

“I don’t want you feelin’ like this anymore, either,” Chet whispered, stroking Johnny’s hair, “I hate to see you like this… hate seein’ you so sad, especially when it’s my fault.”

“No, it’s my fault. It’s my fault you’re dead. I shoulda-“

“Shut up, John. I heard the ceiling startin’ to give way. I shoulda got outta there, but I just kept thinkin’ I had more time. I didn’t.”

Johnny’s lip trembled again, and he let out a choked sob.

“Hey, babe, listen… you said to tell you what to do, so I’m gonna tell you,” he pulled back to look at Johnny, “Don’t be afraid anymore. If you don’t wanna cry in front of random people, then go to our friends and cry in front of them. The more you talk, the easier it gets. Still sucks… just sucks less. Just talk, and you’ll realize you don’t need to keep all my shit to remember me. Shit, that’s why I gave ya all the photos and clippings and notes. Really, ya just need to keep those. That’s why I put ‘em together and- Oh… I think you need to go, Johnny.”

“What? No! No, I don’t wanna go! I don’t want you to go, Chet!”

“I know… I don’t want you to go, either, but you’ll be alright. Hey…”

Chet reached out, brushing some of the tears from Johnny’s face, his blue eyes shining.

“Right now, you have another friend who needs you. Go, John… I’ll come back.”

“But how do I know that? I mean, how can you tell me that and be sure? This is just a dream. It isn’t real.”

“Just ‘cause you’re dreamin’ doesn’t mean it ain’t real, babe. See ya later.”

Johnny gasped into wakefulness, tears still on his face, and looked around.

“Holy shit! Harper! Harper, what happened?”

She just shook her head. She was coughing and wheezing, breathing with major difficulties, and somehow ended up on the floor. Johnny came over to sit next to her, quickly taking some basic vitals.

“Harper, I don’t like this. I’m gonna call for an ambulan-“

“No-!” she wheezed, “No- ambulance-… no hospital-“

“C’mon, this could be serious! You need help!”

“Then- then help!”

Harper looked afraid and determined, and it was a look Johnny was familiar with. _We’ve all had it… especially Chet._ Johnny sighed, told her, “Okay, okay, I think I know a way to help, but I’ll need to touch you. I promise it’s not inappropriate, but you can tell me to back off if you want, okay?”

Overcome by another fit of coughing, she simply nodded. Johnny moved quickly, maneuvering himself to sit behind her and pulling her in so her back was flush with his chest, her body settled between his legs. One of her hands immediately shot down and gripped his thigh, fingertips digging into the muscle. He settled one of his hands on her belly, trying to gauge her respirations. Her skin was damp with sweat. _Poor kid…_ Johnny focused on taking deep, even breaths and started speaking.

“C’mon now, just try to take some deep breaths,” he said in a soft voice, “Just try to do what I’m doin’… Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth… There ya go… See, I used to do this for my friend every so often. He had nightmares sometimes, and it calmed him down… No reason it shouldn’t work now… Just try to breathe for me, Kelly, ‘kay?”

xXxXx

The captain’s voice washed over her, gentle and quiet. Kelly’s chest and throat hurt, but she made the effort to follow his instructions, listening to his words. _I have to try._ She could feel her fingertips squeezing his thigh, could feel his palm flat over her belly, could feel his chest rise and fall against her back. Slowly, very slowly, her breathing began to settle.

“That’s good… That’s good, you’re doin’ fine, Kelly… You’re doin’ great…”

Something warm blossomed in her chest.

“You called me Kelly,” she said hoarsely.

“Yeah, I did.”

“You never called me by name before… thought you hated me.”

“Naw, I don’t hate you… never did,” he replied, “You feelin’ better?”

“Yeah… just a ‘lil breathless still.”

“Do you know what happened?” he asked.

“Dunno… I just woke up coughin’ and couldn’t catch my breath…” she explained, “I-… I got scared ‘cause you didn’t wake up… an’ I couldn’t call your name… Got up to wake you up, but I fell… guess that’s what woke you up finally.”

“Sorry, I… well, I was dreamin’.”

“Dreamin’ about what? You looked sad.”

“I was sad. Here, lemme help you up…”

He stood behind her and carefully helped her to her feet, holding her while she regained her bearings. _I won’t tell him I saw him crying._ Kelly sat by him on the couch instead of returning to the recliner.

“Cap… if you want, you can tell me about the dream,” she said, “You helped me… It’s only fair that I help you in return.”

His eyes were dark and wet in the moonlight as he considered her.

“I don’t wanna get into it too much, just… I got to see a friend I been missin’ a whole lot.”

“The one in the pictures? With the moustache and the blue eyes?” she asked.

“Yeah, umm… Yeah. His name was Chet Kelly.”

“Looked like you were close.”

“He was prob’ly my best friend… best friend I ever had,” he said, voice thick.

“What happened?”

She thought she knew the answer, but she waited for the truth.

“He died.”

Kelly didn’t push it by asking how, not when he already looked upset. _Explains a lot, though._ It certainly seemed to explain why he never used her give name since it reminded him of his dead friend. She reached over and rested her hand on his forearm, unsure how to proved comfort, hoping it was enough.

“I hope you’ll tell me more about him one day,” she whispered.

“I hope I will, too. You woulda liked him.”

They sat in silence for a bit before Cap checked the time and said, “Well, let’s try to get a ‘lil more sleep tonight, huh? You need help?”

“No, ‘m good. Thanks, Cap.”

Kelly returned to the recliner, settled in place, covered herself with the blanket, and waited for the room to fill with Cap’s soft snoring. _Sweet dreams, Cap._ Only then did she close her eyes and allow herself to drift off to sleep.


	6. We're Moving On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mild language

“Hey, fellas, look who’s back!” Baines said.

Kelly strolled in, cheerfully stating, “Yes, y’all, that is right… the bitch is back,” giving a little curtsy. Baines and Mendoza laughed, each greeting her with a quick hug. The ten days she’d been gone felt like an eternity, and she was immensely glad to be back.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you guys, but where’s everyone else?” she asked, “Cap I’m not too worried about, but I’m just a ‘lil curious as to where Curtis and Westie are.”

“You’re not gonna believe it-“

“Aw, I wanna tell-“

“She’s my partner, Eddie-“

“I never get to tell anything-“

“How ‘bout I tell it?”

They all turned. Curtis was standing in the doorway of the locker room, a sheepish look on his dark brown face. _And he’s a kinda big dude. Not easy for him to look sheepish._ He scuffed the toe of his boot against the floor a few times before asking, “Could-umm… Could I talk to you, Harper? Alone?”

“Sure, uh… yeah, sure.”

Baines and Mendoza slowly left the locker room, and Kelly waited for Curtis to speak.

“I… I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for what I did that got you hurt,” he said at last, “I shouldn’t’ve done it. I shouldn’t’ve gone along with what Westie said, shoulda spoke up and stood up for myself. Cap said the worst thing we can be is disloyal to each other, and he’s absolutely right. I know what we did was wrong… so if you hate me and never wanna speak to me again except for work, I understand.”

“It was a really shitty thing to do.”

“I understand that.”

“I coulda died.”

“I know.”

She took a moment to consider him. Curtis was all hunched down, like he was trying to make himself look smaller. He stared down at his boots, scuffed the toe again, shifted uncomfortably.

“You’re really, truly sorry?” she asked.

“I’ve never felt so sorry or so dumb in my whole life.”

She gave a little sigh.

“Then I forgive you. Just remember, I don’t forgive very easily, so you’re very lucky right now. This is, like, a one time thing… but I can see you really are sorry… mostly ‘cause you’re a bad liar and I’d be able to tell right away if you were lying.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true… so, we’re good?”

“Yeah, Alex, we’re good.”

His face split into a wide grin, and he stepped close to pull her into a hug, squeezing her tight.

“Don’t s’pose I’ll be gettin’ an apology from Westie, huh?” she asked.

“Probably not, seein’ as how his punk ass quit the department.”

Kelly felt her mouth fall open. Curtis chuckled, explained, “Yeah. Cap cussed us out pretty good and told Westie his career with the department wasn’t goin’ any further after he gave him his write-up, got him suspended, the whole business. Westie decided to quit… which is good ‘cause he wasn’t any good to work with anyway.”

“What exactly was his problem with me, anyway? I mean, besides the fact that I have a vagina.”

Curtis snorted, said, “He hates you ‘cause you’re a woman doin’ the job he failed at, and what I didn’t know, is he apparently also hates black paramedics and brown paramedics and poor ones and ones from broken homes and- well, I think you get it, Kelly.”

“Wow. What a dick.”

“Tell me about it. Anyway, c’mon. Lemme get you a cup of coffee…”

They joined Baines and Mendoza at the kitchen table, and it was nice to able to get into a basic conversation with her crewmates.

“So, Kelly,” Mendoza said, “you’ve been in Jersey and Montana and here in LA to fight fires, but why? How does a ‘lil girl from Jersey end up doin’ this?”

“Well, when I was in fourth grade, we had career day, and a firefighter from Philly came down to talk to us, and he was only askin’ the boys questions, so I raised my hand and asked if I could be firefighter one day. He laughed at me. That got me pretty heated, and of course, I wanted to prove him wrong. When I got old enough, I joined my local volunteer department. Then, after my aunt died, I didn’t have anything tying me down to that town, and I’d heard about all female brush stations in Montana, so I thought why not.

“And that was fun for a while, but then I heard about the paramedic program here in LA, so I went to a nearby volunteer station and just kept lobbyin’ to join the department and the program until they said yes. And it might be super incredibly petty, but I remembered that damn fireman from fourth grade, got his address, and sent him a copy of my official department photo with a note that said, ‘Dear Mr. Thompkins, this is the little girl in Miss Rastelli’s fourth grade class who you said couldn’t be a firefighter. I’m now a firefighter/paramedic with the Los Angeles County Fire Department. Sincerely, Kelly Harper.’ Sure felt good.”

“Yeah, that might be the pettiest thing I ever heard,” Curtis said.

“I just wanna know if you got a reply back,” Mendoza added.

“I did, actually,” Kelly said, feeling a smile start to spread over her face, “He said he was proud of me.”

xXxXx

“Hey, Johnny… everything alright?” Roy asked.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I dunno,” he shrugged, “Your call was just kinda… abrupt, and a little weird.”

Johnny could see the concern in his friend’s face. He sighed, scrubbed at his face, said, “Yeah, I reckon it probably sounded that way. Just-… I need to do this, but I can’t do it alone. I don’t wanna be alone.”

“No, I understand that much, but I don’t understand what brought this on. I mean, it’s been over a year since- since Chet died, and you haven’t so much as mentioned his name more than once or twice. What happened?”

“You promise you won’t laugh?”

“I promise.”

Johnny sighed again and sat on the couch, Roy coming to sit beside him. He wanted to sound strong and confident, had practiced the words over and over in his head, but saying them aloud was another matter. Thankfully, Roy was patient.

“It’s-… I had a-a dream a couple weeks ago,” he explained shakily, “an-an’ Chet was in it. Now, it wasn’t a-a nightmare, it was just-… he was here, Roy, in his room, like nothin’ had ever changed ‘cept he was dead. It was real freaky ‘cause it just felt like he was talkin’ from beyond the grave, but at the same time… at the same time, it was really nice for the same reason. Roy, I got to talk to him again-“

His voice choked off, tears burning in his eyes, a lump forming in his throat. Roy’s arm slipped around his shoulders and pulled him in close. In a thick voice, Johnny continued, “I got to talk to him again, Roy, and i-it was just so nice ‘cause I miss him so much an’ fuckin’ everything reminds me of him but I don’t wanna forget him an’ I’m so afraid that-“

“Hey, calm down, Junior… just calm down. You’re not gonna forget him. You were so close to him, cared about him so much… there’s no way you could ever forget him,” Roy told him gently, “After a while, it’ll get easier to talk about him, and eventually you won’t get so sad when you think about him, but that’s not forgetting him. It’s just gonna get easier for you to remember him, and that’s not a bad thing.”

Johnny leaned in close against Roy’s side, enjoying the comfort from someone who was usually not so tactile. He took a few deep breaths, tried to rein in his emotions.

“I’m just so sick of bein’ sad all the time,” he murmured.

“I know… I know you are, pal… and I wish I could help more.”

_But you can’t… it’s something I hafta do on my own._ They sat together in comfortable silence for some time, pressed together, each offering and drawing comfort from the other. Finally, Roy spoke up, “C’mon, Junior, let’s go get started. We’ll figure out what we wanna pack up first when we get in there, okay? And whatever progress we make is good progress.”

Johnny just smiled, wiped at his face, and let Roy help him to his feet.

xXxXx

“Kelly? Why are you in the cabinet?”

She backed out slightly to free her head and saw Baines standing there, hands on his hips, eyebrow raised.

“I’m doing a preemptive strike,” she replied.

“A what?”

“Our dear new pal Ryskamp has started a war,” she explained, “but he doesn’t understand that he is but a lowly private engaged against a general… and I intend to win.”

“Okay… still doesn’t explain why you’re in the cabinet.”

“Because I saw him in here earlier setting a water bomb for me.”

“Another one? Jesus, when is he gonna get sick of those things?”

“Hopefully when this one hits him in the face,” she said, finally getting it pulled apart, “See, Ryskamp thinks he’s slick, but he’s not, which is why I have carefully set five water bombs for him, the exact number of bombs he’s hit me with over the last few shifts. Now, outta my way. I gotta move this one.”

“Where you gonna put it?”

“Two cabinets over. Just a subtle move… just enough to throw off suspicion.”

“I guess,” he said, just watching her, “Seems a ‘lil excessive to me.”

“He’s gotta learn not to start a war he can’t finish, Frank.”

Baines fell silent and watched her work. She pulled the whole mechanism from the cabinet, shuffled down along the counter, and opened the cabinet with all the cups. Resetting the mechanism was easy as pie. _I even made some improvements._ Her trap in place, she hopped off the counter, grinning at her partner.

“Well, like any evil mastermind, I’m assuming you’re gonna tell me your plan.”

“Of course. I would tell my sidekick anything. My dear Franklin, first thing when Ryskamp comes back from a run, he always gets a glass of water. So, he’s gonna open the cabinet. Bam! Water Bomb Number One. Naturally, he’s gonna go for a towel to dry off his face. I have conveniently placed every dishtowel in this cabinet, where we have Number Two. Now, he knows somethin’s up. This is where you come in, Frank-“

“Me? Don’t drag me into this!”

“Have you forgotten all the water bombs he got you with last week?”

Baines rolled his eyes, but he said nothing else. Kelly continued, “Exactly, now, you’re gonna tell Ryskamp to get a towel from your locker-“

“You went in my locker?”

“Dude, it’s for a good cause, chill. Anyway, he goes to get a towel outta your locker, and that’s Number Three. By now, he’s fed up. He goes to his own locker and gets Number Four.”

“And where exactly is the fifth one ‘cause I’m not even sure where you could put another one.”

“It’s in the linen closet,” she stated proudly, “Now, of course, Three through Five can happen in any order and the plan will work just fine. I figured it out that way.”

“How long did it take you to come up with all this?”

“Oh, I was up most of the night workin’ on the whole plan, but I been studying Ryskamp for the last few shifts,” she replied, “but darling Franklin, it will all be worth it in the end.”

“Well, I guess I have to agree with you there. One more question for you, though, Kelly… why do you insist on callin’ me Franklin?”

“I dunno, I just like it. Makes ya sound sophisticated. Why, you don’t like it?”

“Nah, I guess I like it,” he shrugged, “just didn’t know why you did it.”

He draped his arm over her shoulders, and Kelly smiled. They hadn’t necessarily gotten off to a bad start, her and Baines, but they hadn’t exactly been friends, either. _Things do change quickly._ Now, Kelly was close with his whole family, went there for dinner, and it felt nice. She’d never been so close to someone before and was enjoying every minute of it.

“So you’re not real close with your family?” Bonnie asked once.

“Nah, not really,” Kelly had explained, “Father left before I was six months old, and my mother pawned me off on my aunt when I was about one. Aunt Maggie had always wanted a ‘lil girl, and she already had three boys, so she was happy to have me, but I wasn’t really part of the family. Her and my uncle were still my aunt and uncle. I wasn’t allowed to call ‘em mom and dad ‘cause they thought it was important for me to know I was adopted right from the get-go… which I guess I’m thankful for. And obviously I’m thankful to them ‘cause they didn’t have to take me in, just… See, I wasn’t the ideal ‘lil girl. Aunt Maggie kinda wanted a dress up doll, and I wanted to be a firefighter, so we didn’t always didn’t get along, plus my cousins never saw me as a sister.”

“But didn’t you have any friends?”

“A few, but none that were super close. I don’t even talk to anyone from there anymore.”

Baines had sort of turned around after that, became a closer friend, started to invite her in as part of the family. _And now I get to be an aunt to their upcoming baby, too._

“Hey, Kelly! They’re back! What should we do?” Baines hissed.

“Shit! Uh- I dunno, just sit with me at the table and talk like normal people!”

He gave her an incredulous look, one that clearly said neither of them was normal.

“Oh, then just read the paper or somethin’! Just hurry up!”

They hurried to sit down and act natural. Baines grabbed the newspaper, and Kelly snatched up a copy of _Fire Engineering._ Ryskamp came in not a few seconds later, grinning, saying, “Surprised to see you two still here. No runs while we were out?”

“Not a one,” Kelly replied, “Reckon we’re just lucky. How was the run?”

“Eh, it was alright,” he said, moving to the sink while the others came in, “Just feels awful hot still for late Octob-“

There was the satisfying sound of a spring mechanism and water splashing and the crew laughing.

xXxXx

Johnny forced himself to stifle his laughter as water bomb after water bomb hit Ryskamp. It was the perfect payback after all the ones he’d set over the last couple weeks, and he was pretty sure he knew who had carried out the revenge. Harper sat at the kitchen table, calmly sipping her coffee while everyone else ran around following Ryskamp. He approached her, heard a water bomb go off, snorted quietly.

“So, Harper… exactly how many of those didja set?”

“Five. Wait…”

There was another twang of a mechanism and a loud swear, followed by peal of laughter. Ryskamp slumped back into the kitchen, head and the upper half of his torso soaked. Harper looked up from her magazine and coffee.

“Wow, Rys, I know it’s hot, but I didn’t think it was that hot,” she smirked.

He sighed, said, “Yeah, I, uh… I guess I deserved that, Harper. Umm… truce?”

“A ceasefire. I’ll stop setting traps if you will, and any violations will be met with merciless retribution. Deal?”

Harper held out her hand, and Ryskamp shook it before heading back in the locker room, the other three trailing after him. Johnny shook his head and sat by Harper.

“So, merciless retribution, huh?”

“And it will be swift, too. I forgot to mention that.”

“Yeah, s’pose that’s the only kind. That was pretty spectacular.”

“I worked on it all night… plus most of yesterday… and I’ve been planning it for a week, at least. I’ll be damned if I let someone prank me like that and get away with it.”

“Well, I gotta say, I’m pretty impressed,” Johnny said, “Y’know… Chet woulda loved that. Most he ever strung together was two, maybe three. He woulda been jealous ‘cause he didn’t think of it, but he woulda loved it.”

“He was a prankster?”

“Oh yeah… called himself The Phantom, and he was pretty clever. ‘Course I was pretty gullible, so it was never hard to get me,” he replied fondly.

For a moment, he looked her over. Harper was a lot like Chet. Both were kind of goofy, both dedicated, both loyal to a fault… both without anyone but the fire department. They were both smarter than anyone gave them credit for but didn’t know how to take praise for their intelligence.

“Y’know… he woulda liked you, too, Kelly.”

“He sounds like I woulda liked him, Cap.”

“Yeah… hey, you should stop by tomorrow. I have somethin’ for ya.”

After their shift, Harper followed him to his apartment, clearly curious but not asking any questions. Johnny led her back to Chet’s room, ignoring her quizzical look.

“This was all Chet’s,” he told her softly, “When he- uh… When he died, he asked us all to come in and take whatever we wanted and then I was supposed to sell the rest or whatever… Well, ya can see how well that worked out. I figured-… I figured maybe you could have some of it, if there was anything you wanted. Don’t think he’d mind.”

She moved in slowly, her eyes roving over everything though she touched nothing, almost as if she were in a museum. _That’s how I treated this place… hell, I still treat it like that._

“I started boxin’ up some of it over the summer, but I didn’t get real far, obviously. Dunno why, but I just can’t seem to get rid of anything of his. Thought it might be easier if maybe someone else started by takin’ some of it.”

“Why me, though?”

“Honestly? ‘Cause you kinda remind me of him.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

She ducked her head, but Johnny saw her sheepish smile. He went on, “Some of the clothes might be a ‘lil big on ya, but there might be somethin’ in there for ya. There’s all the books, too… stuff like that.”

“And you’re sure you want me to take some of it?”

“As sure as I can be,” he replied, “It’s been almost a year and a half since he died… and I think it’s finally time to move forward… time to stop tryin’ to pretend I’m in the past.”

For a moment, Harper said nothing, simply looked around the room.

“Any suggestions, Cap?”

In the back of his mind, Johnny swore he heard Chet’s voice. _There ya go, Johnny. You’ll only get better from here, babe. Now help her pick out the good stuff._ He smiled and stepped over to the closet, saying, “Let’s start here, Kelly. We’ll get ya the good stuff…”

Kelly wore a smile of her own and stood beside him, reaching into the closet for a shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who read this. You're the real MVPs :)
> 
> For more of this universe, please check out my fic 'The Promise of Better Days,' about the formation Brice and Bellingham's relationship.

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone who has read 'Oh, There You Are,' please do not post any spoilers for that fic here in the comments in case other readers have not read it. Thank you very much :)


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